


Depraved Indulgence

by FlamesRise



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, Emotions, First Time, Guilt, Hand Jobs, Incest, Kamukura Izuru Has Feelings, M/M, Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Self-Discovery, Somnophilia, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:00:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamesRise/pseuds/FlamesRise
Summary: Kamukura isn't used to feeling anything at all, so the realisation that he's in love with his brother plunges him into a world of conflicting emotions, dragging him lower than he ever thought was possible.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Kamukura Izuru
Comments: 7
Kudos: 175





	Depraved Indulgence

Kamukura knew, deep down, that it was wrong. 

Other people had told him that his sense of morality was warped, so different to the norm that it pushed them away, scared them. The concepts of 'good' and 'evil' were vague, hazy, something out of his reach, something he could never quite seem to grasp. 

But this, _this_ was wrong. He could _feel_ it. The guilt gnawing away at him in moments of silence spent alone. It was undeniable, especially when he wasn't used to feeling much of anything. 

Yet he continued to do it, night after night. He'd wait until after the lights went out, listen carefully to the breathing of the other soul he shared a room with, wait until it grew steady and deep. He knew which spots on the floor to step on to avoid making any sound, as he crept silently to the other bed. His brother had always been a deep sleeper, but there was no harm in taking caution anyway. 

He'd slip in beside him, movements careful and methodical. He'd breathe in his scent, skim a trembling hand across the smooth skin of his lower back, plant a soft kiss to his forehead. He'd stay there, embracing every moment of simply existing in that joyful, serene place. Just being so close to Hinata, sweet, beautiful, wonderful Hinata, filled his entire body with warmth, washing away all the horrors of the world. 

For so long, he'd tried to deny what it really was. Tried to find another explanation, but for all his vast knowledge of human relationships, all the different emotions he'd researched extensively despite rarely experiencing them himself, only one possibility made sense. 

He was in love. 

* * *

Tonight, he needed it more than ever. It had been another day of his classmates mocking him, excluding him, glaring daggers from across the room as they whispered harsh words broken up by mentions of his name to each other. Another day of being called out of class to visit researchers, having wires stuck to his head, being asked intrusive, probing questions. It was nothing new to Kamukura, this was the way his life had been since the moment he was born, but somehow it had become increasingly unbearable in recent weeks. 

He was starting to _feel_. A strange amalgamation of emotions, weighing down on him, the pressure increasing constantly. Sometimes he managed to identify some of them - anger, resentment, frustration - despairing for all the years he'd lost, everything he'd missed out on. Longing for some form of normalcy in his life. He pondered the thought that maybe, just maybe, his love for Hinata had done this to him. Opened him up to a world of emotion he'd thought he was incapable of experiencing. 

It was everything he'd ever wanted, even before he really understood how it felt to want something, it had only seemed logical that giving up all his talent for the ability to experience life the same way as everyone else would be the right choice to make. He'd noticed how people changed upon finding something that brought them true happiness, how their eyes would shine brighter, full of life, how they'd manage to see the best in everything and everyone. That seemed a far more valuable power to possess than any amount of knowledge. 

And yet now that he had it, he just wished it would go away again. 

His train of thought was cut off by the sound of a voice. It took him a moment to realise that he'd almost completely lost all awareness of his surroundings, being so lost inside his own mind. Was this how other people felt? It was bizzare to become so disconnected from reality itself, his sharp, analytical mind dulled and cloudy. 

"Izuru… it's okay if you don't want to talk to me but-" he turned his head, long strands of hair covering his face, spilling on to the sheets beneath him. He could just barely make out the other boy's face from the haze of black, staring back at him with troubled eyes. "I'm worried about you. You seem… different."

Of course Hinata had noticed him changing, seen right through him to all the turmoil lying just under the surface. No one else had realised, and he knew it wasn't just that they weren't saying anything. Since these strange new feelings had come to light, he'd quickly put up a wall around them to keep it all hidden from the rest of the world. He'd analysed every situation, every interaction with another person meticulously, watching for subtle changes in their behaviour towards him, any sign they might have noticed. He'd found nothing. 

Yet here he was, with the one person he wished more than anything he could hide it from seeing what no one else could. No researcher, no psychologist - his brother was just an ordinary person. Boringly so. Perhaps they really were connected in a special way, a way that couldn't be explained by science, by any amount of studying or analysing. He'd always thought that fate was a ridiculous concept, created by people as a means of making themselves feel better when they had insufficient factual knowledge to explain a phenomenon. 

Now, he wasn't sure about anything anymore. 

He opened his mouth to try and respond to Hinata, before realising he was at a loss for words. He couldn't tell him, he wasn't sure how he'd explain it even if he wanted to. He couldn't lie to him either. He was just stuck. Lost. Frozen in a moment in time. 

The world began to move again when his brother sat down on his own bed beside him, and he shifted himself away on instinct to give him more space. He wasn't entirely sure why, when all he really wanted was to move closer. Soft fingertips brushed through the mass of hair covering his face, gently tucking it behind his ear. He already felt exposed, having Hinata touch him in such an innocent yet intimate way, leaving his cheeks tinted pink on display, his body betraying him by threatening to reveal the secret he was trying his hardest to hide. 

He was taken off guard completely when Hinata leaned over him, lips placing a gentle kiss to his temple. An audible gasp slipped out before he even had the time to process, to stop it, and he found himself unable to avert his gaze from the other boy's face as he sat back up abruptly, recoiling in shock at his own actions. 

Perhaps it was just wishful thinking, but it almost looked as if Hinata's own startled face was tinged with a pink glow too. He stared right back at him, his eyes filled with a vortex of emotion, confusion, uncertainty. Kamukura wondered if Hinata could read his own wide pools of red in the same way. The mere thought of it made him feel vulnerable in a way he'd never experienced before. 

"I…" The almost painful connection between the two of them was broken by Hinata first, as he looked away, staring down at the floor as if he was ashamed somehow. Kamukura wished he could reassure him, tell him that it's okay, that nothing he could ever do could possibly hurt him, or make him think less of him, but he was left tongue-tied again. 

"I just wanted you to know that- I… I hope you're okay." 

With those parting words, the bed shifted again, and Hinata was gone, the space around them both plunged into darkness as he turned off the light before climbing into his own bed. 

Kamukura was left alone with his thoughts, far more turbulent and disharmonised than before. 

* * *

He wondered how long he'd been trying to sleep for. Two hours? Maybe three? His body was still and relaxed, yet his mind was still far too loud, thoughts spiralling into a tangled web. 

He could almost feel his skin still tingling where Hinata had kissed him. He'd replayed their interaction over and over inside his head, trying to analyse it, make some sort of sense of it. Hinata had never done anything like that before. They'd always been close, always understood each other on a deeper level, but his brother knew that he was uncomfortable with physical contact, so he kept his distance. He could barely even remember the last time the other boy had hugged him. 

Was it possible that Hinata knew about the shameful things he'd been doing at night, while he slept soundly? That seemed unlikely. Kamukura knew him well enough that he would have immediately noticed any signs of him being conscious. He would have also most likely been disgusted by his actions if he ever found out, so it seemed improbable that he'd still choose to show affection towards him. 

The only logical explanation was that Hinata, somehow, reciprocated his feelings. Even considering the potential evidence, that seemed completely out of the realm of possibility. Kamukura had learnt that human emotions don't often follow the rules of logic, and the chance of Hinata having romantic feelings towards his own brother, his twin brother at that, was incredibly slim. 

He wished that just knowing that simple fact didn't cause him so much pain. 

All he wanted was to be able to go and lie down beside Hinata again, find comfort in him, let his focus drift towards the other boy and quell the deafening cacophony of his own mind. But for the first time, he _couldn't_. The guilt he felt at just considering it was overwhelming. Was this just the natural progression of his emotions getting ever stronger? Or was it because Hinata had shown such care, such kindness towards him? The idea of exploiting that kindness, taking his agency from him, touching him against his will, made Kamukura's gut twist in shame. 

A sudden change in the constant rhythm of Hinata's steady breathing from the other side of the room broke through the mental noise. 

Kamukura shifted his focus towards the sleeping figure, just about visible in moonlight creeping through blinds. Hinata's breath hitched again, coming out as a half-gasp, as he rolled over in his bed, murmuring something nonsensical. He kept watching for any signs that something might be wrong, that he might be choking, struggling to breathe, but physically, he appeared to be fine. His breathing remained unsteady however, and when he groaned out loud, concern for him gave Kamukura the push he needed to get up and move towards him. 

He crouched by the side of his bed, placed a hand across his forehead and found it warmer than usual. So there _was_ something wrong. He'd only just begun to think through the possibilities - had he been in contact with someone sick? Could it be an infection? He had heard him complaining about pain in his tooth not a few days before - when Hinata moved suddenly, nuzzling his face into his hand, pressing his cheek up against it. 

Kamukura recoiled quickly, fear gripping him at the thought that Hinata might wake up and wonder what he was doing, and the loss of contact was met by a low groan from the other boy. 

"Nn… back…" 

He'd never known Hinata to talk in his sleep before. Perhaps he was having a nightmare, and the elevated stress levels were the cause of his raised temperature. That was one thing Kamukura had no idea how to deal with, and the thought of not being able to do anything to help Hinata when he was suffering was almost unbearable, so without even thinking rationally, he did the first thing that came to mind. 

His brother's body was warm and soft as ever, as he wrapped the blanket around the two of them, placing an arm around his waist tentatively, and pulling him close. He was taken by surprise when Hinata responded by burying his face in his chest, his own hand grazing across Kamukura's shoulder before falling limp by his side. He froze, paralysed in terror for a moment, before the logical part of his mind began working again to reassure him that Hinata was still definitely sleeping. 

He felt his heart race at the realisation this was the closest they'd ever been, the closest he'd come to feeling normal, _happy._ If he tried to push away all the other thoughts for a moment, his concern, his guilt, his confusion - this almost felt perfect, as if this was how life was truly supposed to be. 

The illusion was shattered as he felt Hinata's hips press up against his thigh, heard a soft moan spill from between his lips. There wasn't even any time to think, to process, to get away, before there was another thrust against his body, and Kamukura felt the unmistakable hardness rubbing up against him. 

If he'd still been the same person he was before, he would have stopped right there, got away, done everything he could have to escape. Nothing good could come from this, nothing about this was right. Despite that, Kamukura found himself stuck in place as Hinata continued to grind against him, feeling his own cock twitch and grow hard at the feeling. 

He could feel the rise and fall of Hinata's chest against his own as he panted shallowly, and when he let out another moan, louder than before, Kamukura was sure he felt all the blood drain from his body. 

He'd never felt like this before, never _expected_ to feel like this. His mind had gone blank, all inhibition gone, any semblance of rationality torn to shreds by the sensation of his brother's body beside him, rubbing up against him desperately like an animal in heat. Every inch of him had been consumed by desire, and with his control over his body completely lost, he shifted upwards, rolling Hinata over on his back as he climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. 

Hinata seemed unbothered by being pushed around, the sudden change of position doing nothing to subdue his eager thrusting against the body on top of him. Kamukura pressed back against him involuntarily, relishing in the strangled groan it pulled out of the sleeping boy. 

The gentle rocking of his hips against Hinata's erection seemed to be more than enough for him, breathing deeper with every small movement, matching it almost perfectly himself. Yet despite that, despite the fact he wanted to make his brother happy, do whatever he wanted, Kamukura couldn't help but crave more. His love for Hinata was real, all-consuming, that he had no doubts about, but at the same time it had made him selfish, introduced him to a feeling of desire which overwhelmed all his senses. 

He wanted to push this further, see how far it could go, see how it would feel to lose himself completely to this. 

With unsteady hands, he hooked his fingers around the waistband of Hinata's pajama pants, moving himself backwards so he could pull them down just enough to expose him. The other boy groaned from losing the warmth against him, still trying to grind his hips up against nothing, but the disappointed noise quickly turned into a moan of pleasure so loud it made Kamukura's face flush bright red when he wrapped his hand around him. 

He realised he wasn't entirely sure what to do now, learning the mechanics of sex had seemed pointless when the idea had never held any appeal to him before. He'd tried touching himself before, just once, out of curiosity, but it hadn't really felt like much at all. He wouldn't even know where to begin, trying to do that to another person. He _wanted_ to, more than anything. Just feeling Hinata in his hand, how hard he was, how he could almost feel him _throbbing_ with desperation, was just about enough to drive him insane. 

But for the first time in his life, his extensive knowledge had failed him. He'd never felt so helpless, so incompetent. 

Hinata was there to save him, as he always was, protecting him from his weaknesses. He thrust upwards against the tight grip, groaning out loud, and when his hips fell back down, Kamukura's thumb grazed against the swollen tip. It was wet, sticky, and just feeling it made his own cock strain against his clothes, just as desperate to be touched. He circled the lubricated digit against smooth skin, revelling in the way Hinata's body reacted to the sensation, his hips twitching upwards again, breathing out a deep sigh. 

He wished more than anything that he could see the look on the other boy's face right now, see every inch of his exposed body, the surely beautiful sight illuminated for him to consume with ravenous eyes. Just the feeling of him, the delicious sounds he made, were already beyond overwhelming. He was sure that being able to actually see it all, see what he was doing to him, would destroy him completely. The idea of it was oddly appealing. 

He let those fantasies disappear into the background, keeping his focus firmly on the warm body under him, determined to do everything possible to please the boy he loved so much. He slid his hand downwards slowly, cautiously, terrified at the prospect of hurting him in any way. Hinata was less responsive now, completely still, the only sound coming from him being the steady rhythm of deep breaths. Kamukura stroked him gently, still a little tentative, but a deep sense of desire was quickly crushing all his fears, his worries, his doubts. 

His own neglected erection was becoming almost painful, and without even really thinking about it, he pulled it out with his other hand, trying not to interrupt the rhythm of the one pleasing Hinata. It was as if his body had taken to fulfilling his own wishes without even consulting him, possessed by this newly-found sense of longing, devoured by lust. It made no sense, how a person destined for rationality could lose all his senses, all sight of any logical or sensible action. 

Maybe this was what it felt like to be truly human. 

He settled into a steady rhythm, hand sliding along his own length in time with the movements of the other, surprised at how _good_ it felt, how the physical sensations overwhelmed him almost as much as the ethereal mental haze touching Hinata had sent him into. It made him tingle all over, made all his muscles tighten up in a way that really should have been unpleasant, yet somehow it felt incredible. 

The feeling caused him to involuntarily squeeze Hinata tighter, and it seemed to pull him out of his previous unresponsive state, a sharp gasp cutting through the silence as his hips began to move again, pushing upwards in time with Kamukura's strokes. His groans of pleasure grew louder, giving the other boy the encouragement he needed to increase his pace, feeling pressure building from deep within the core of his body. 

Listening to Hinata, having him so close like this, connected like they'd never been before, was so much more than Kamukura could have ever wished for. With the pleasure and euphoria coursing through his veins, he could almost forget the depravity of the situation, almost pretend that they were making love. 

He knew now that this, _this_ right here, was what he'd craved so desperately all these years. This was how life was supposed to be, how it felt to not wake up every morning to a haze of grey covering the vibrant colours of the world. He understood now, really, truly understood, and there was no doubt left in his mind that he'd give up everything he had to stay this way forever. 

Hinata's breathing grew deeper, the sound harsh to his ears, but beautiful all the same. He murmured something incomprehensible, his hips thrusting wildly, and Kamukura felt a twist deep inside his own abdomen, all his muscles tightening up as the overwhelming pleasure grew stronger, almost unbearable when-

"Iz- hnn- Izuru!"

There was no time to react, no time to be shocked at the indisputable sound of Hinata crying out his name, when he felt warmth spilling over his hand, felt the boy beneath him shudder and moan deeply. He found himself gasping out loud too, as the heat building within him exploded in a mess of viscous liquid, shockwaves coursing throughout his entire body as he tried his hardest to keep himself upright, his fingertips tingling, the all-consuming bliss rushing straight to his head and making him dizzy. 

He kept his hands moving as best he could, taking in the sound of Hinata gasping, feeling his body twitch underneath him, until he finally went limp, the heat draining from his own body too. He was exhausted, barely conscious himself, still basking in the intense high, but panic was already beginning to creep in, clutch at his chest wildly. 

What was he supposed to do now? Hinata still appeared to be blissfully aware of what just transpired, falling back into a peaceful sleep, but Kamukura was wide awake, the fatigue from just a moment ago rapidly erased by racing thoughts. What did he just do? Why did he do it? What would Hinata think if he ever found out? Did he just ruin everything? He'd lowered himself to such disgraceful debauchery, and regardless of how good it had felt at the time, nothing could possibly compare to the shame he felt, the sheer disgust at his own actions. 

He worked quickly in a pathetic attempt to salvage the mess he'd created, pulling off his shirt to clean up the stickiness on Hinata's stomach and shirt, feeling around in the dark for where the loathsome marks of his own self-indulgence laid. Why hadn't he lifted his shirt up? This would have been far easier if he had. He just hoped that Hinata wouldn't notice the stains somehow. 

An awful idea struck him as he moved to clean him up further. Perhaps if he left some of it there but covered him back up, Hinata would just think he'd had a wet dream. The thought of his brother feeling embarrassed as a result of his own selfish actions flooded him with guilt, even more intense than before, but if it kept him from discovering the truth, perhaps it was necessary. He decided not to think about it any further, carefully lifting the waistband of Hinata's pajamas back over the sticky mess before he could talk himself out of it. 

He hated that the thought of Hinata waking up unknowingly covered in a disgusting amalgamation of his own semen and Kamukura's combined was almost enough to make him hard again. 

Kamukura lifted the blanket carefully over his brother's sleeping body, almost tempted to place a quick kiss to his cheek as he traced the shape of his face with his fingers, but after what he'd just done, the thought of taking even more from someone so vulnerable repulsed him. 

He climbed back into his own bed, feeling colder than it ever had before, endless thoughts, emotions far too intense for him to handle, still plaguing his mind. Just as the powerful high he'd felt before, there was an equally powerful low. Mind plunged into the depths of a darkest despair, he wrapped himself up tightly, squeezing his eyes shut, as he tried to find some way to block it out, make the pain stop. 

It came in the form of another thought, one bathed in warm sunlight, burning away all the rest as they surfaced. He held on to it with everything he had, kept it there, never wanting to let it go. It protected him, kept him safe from all the guilt, the regret, the self-hatred, as he finally began to drift asleep. 

_He said your name._

**Author's Note:**

> I started out writing this because Kamuhina twincest hot and it was supposed to just be porn but then I ended up projecting onto Izuru and put a load of emotional shit in there.
> 
> So yeah this ended up being kind of a mess and I'm going to go cry over Izuru now
> 
> Also I swear my writing isn't normally so wordy and pretentious I guess? It's just... Izuru


End file.
